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Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Golden HAFTA Awards!

(My post as published on 'Faking News'. Check out my other posts too at www.fakingnews.com)

A policeman on duty
New Dheeli (name changed). In order to lift the sagging morale of the police force, Mr Dheeraj Kumar, Commissioner of Dheeli Police, himself harangued by one Dheila Aunty, has decided to launch the annual ‘Golden HAFTA Awards’ on lines of the BAFTA (British Academy of Film and Television Arts) awards.
However, unlike BAFTA, HAFTA is not an acronym.
This will not only bring the police force’s supreme duty (i.e.HAFTA collection) in sharper focus but also help the employees get over the temporary trauma of India Gate and Jantar Mantar skirmishes.
The ‘Golden HAFTA Awards’ will be given away in the following categories:
Award Criteria
Technical Awards
Lala Lajpat Rai Award
Most ruthless lathicharge by an individual
Harish Chandra Award
Police Station. To be collected by the SHO.
Police station with the highest number of false arrests and the highest percentage of FIR denial.
Raja Ram Mohan Roy Award
Individual. Only for IPS officers.
For most irresponsible comment/statement on issues related to women’s safety.
Main Awards
Best Debut Performance – Male/Female
Awarded to a Home Guard or Constable for highest haftacollections from petty shopkeepers, Rehri-wallahs and beggars.
Best Performance in a supporting role – Male/Female
Awarded to a Constable, Sub-inspector or Inspector for supporting the SHO in haftacollections.
Best Performance in a Leading Role – Male/Female
Awarded to the ACP or DCP for the highest hafta collections at district level.
Best Performance at the Border
Awarded for the highest haftacollections at a state border/naka.
Police Station of the Year
Police Station. To be collected by the SHO, ACP and DCP.
Awarded for highest haftacollections among all police stations.
Lifetime Achievement Award
Awarded to a retired Commissioner for consistently commendable performance in personal asset building.

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