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Friday, May 23, 2014

Why man boobs are important?

Purba Ray (@purba_ray on twitter) recently blogged about the importance of boobs to a woman. You can read it here:  http://www.purba-ray.com/2014/05/why-boobs-are-important.html .

In this rather disturbing piece, she stares down the slopes of hidden hills (aka “boobs”) and surmises what catastrophe would dawn upon us men if women didn’t have them. She spares no angle from Oedipus to Kamadeva and concludes with less-than-catastrophic consequences i.e. while women get to keep their boobs at their current levels of elevation, those leering men, who refuse to let go of their childhood fancy for tits, must be delivered a kick in the crotch. However, I am yet to get over her scary proposition of women, like men, being flat-chested. Friedman (“The World is Flat”) was far more considerate in his worldview and built his flatness argument without hurting trillion dollar enterprises wrapped around women’s distinguishing contours.

Imagine a world without Victoria’s Secret, Triumph, Groversons, Paris Beauty and Sparsh; imagine water from a South Indian waterfall falling lifelessly on the rocks below because there’s no dark flesh under bright yellow blouse to rush through; imagine a world without the embarrassment of collecting heterosexual laundry from the washing machine; and, finally, imagine a suckling baby’s predicament!

Boobs are universally loved. Urdu (or may be farsi) even finds saggy boobs love worthy e.g. meh boob. One panoramic view of those booby men from Punjab to Trivandrum via Kolkata and you understand Nature’s silent message, namely, “God created all men and women equal, so why are only women bound by bra straps?” It’s not uncommon knowledge that in order to restore balance to the Universe, some men have already enrolled themselves in the grow-your-own-hairy-boobs programs run by the Bhartiya Purush OOrozay Utthan Samaj”. And, if scientific advances are anything to go by, hairy men will soon be able to grow hairless boobs. Even this may be quite unnecessary if sometime soon Hollywood celebs (Kim Kardashian?) make hairy boobs fashionable and you have your neighborhood “Moksha” spa promising to refund your money if they can’t grow your mammary hair longer by two inches in two weeks courtesy their ‘Gold’ potion.


Dear Purba, I, therefore raise you “Let men have boobs too” to your “Let women be flat-chested”. This anthropological leap will not only make lechery extinct but also double the size of many industrial enterprises and pull the world economy out of recession. What Obama couldn't do, men with boobs will. It’ll be a Triumph of the ‘man’ kind, joy spilling over from their DDD sized cornucopias, trickling down the hairy slopes. And, as humanity marches on, we will soon learn to deal with hairy boobs, additional foreplay footage in Vivid's videos as well as predicament of the suckling baby!         

“If they don’t have balls, give them hairy boobs!”  ~ @NotThatMP