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Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Mocktale: Tech giants offer relief from “WAT Lag Gayee” pains!

(This humour piece was published in Times of India on June 18, 2015. The link to original publication is: "WAT Lag Gayee!")

In a rare show of solidarity, the tech giants Google, Amazon, Twitter, Facebook, Microsoft, Yahoo and LinkedIn recently met inside the Googleplex to finalize the specifications of the Without-A-Trace (or, simply the "WAT") framework.

Mr. P. Ping Tom, the Projector Director of WAT, informed a select gathering of reporters from democracies around the world that WAT is a software framework specifically targeted at politicians who so often wish to obliterate their digital trails and escape "Wat lag gayee" situations. "The project name was picked up from whispers often overheard in the corridors of the collaborating companies, who employ a sizable number of Indian engineers," Mr. Tom quipped. He added that, "It is also a sort of tribute to India, the biggest democracy in the world, and a recent pioneer in sting operations, Swaraj, digital farming and cleanliness drives." 

At the click of the mouse or tap of finger, the WAT application 'WATsapp' will crawl via all the popular search engines and Bing and search the databases of the email service providers, Twitter, Facebook, chat service providers, location/map providers, LinkedIn, e-commerce providers, etc. They will be sniffing transactions initiated by the user containing one or more keywords e.g. "Lalit", "56 inch", "Zurich", "Kejriwal", "Sunny", "Srini", "Bhai", "Rafale", etc. The user will then be offered three options: 1) Hide for 5 years, 2) Hide Indefinitely, and 3) Delete. The application will be triggered automatically, daily or on demand. The service will be NSA and WikiLeaks proof. 

The service pricing will be based on keywords and follow a dynamic rate card. For instance, while "Lalit" may be currently priced at 5 dollars per record, the service may be offered free of cost for keywords such as "Love", "Jaanu", "Dying", "Who dis?", "Fraand", etc. as the group's contribution to world peace!" 

The WATsapp beta trials in India are currently on in a secret location at the Lutyens Zone in New Delhi and Prem Nagar in Delhi.

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