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Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Mocktale: When PM Modi nearly broke down in China.

(This humour piece was published in Times of India on May 20 18, 2015. The link to original publication is: "When Modi Nearly Cried in China")




If the Chinese whispers are to be believed, during his recent China sojourn, Prime Minister Narendra Modi, after hearing that the Chinese Tera Quota Warriors were low caste people who remained edified because Lord Rama missed them on his Redemption Tour, nearly broke down. To avoid embarrassment, he quickly asked the Indian Ambassador to China, for a (genuine) pair of Silhouette sunglasses from their Matrix collection. The Indian Parliament was one thing, this China tour something else. China was the last place Modi could afford to be seen as someone emotional and vulnerable. After the shades arrived, holding back his tears, he then strutted among the downtrodden, whispering in a choked voice "I wheel be bike".


Of late, everyone, from politicians to film stars, is crying and mopping after. While sturdier souls wear sunglasses for subterfuge, other 'coconuts' are letting their emotions flow. Obama, Putin, Sheila, Alia, Giriraj, Ashutosh...the list goes on.

However, it's not only PM Modi who has popularised 'crying'. It has been omnipresent. Advertisers make kids cry on television so that moms buy noodles and artificially flavoured juices; film directors make audiences cry so that they can reach for their pockets while the maudlin viewers are mopping their faces with tissues tinged with salsa sauce; politicians make poor people cry during election rallies, so that they can be robbed in broad daylight; girlfriends cry so that this abominable "going Dutch" business stops; and, wives cry so that husbands agree to switch the TV from Indian Premier League (IPL) to Sasural Simar Ka.

Ironically, everyone has a reason to cry. Unlike RGV, Alia Bhatt cried while watching her own film. Unlike RaGa, Sheila Dixit cried while watching her party floating like deadwood in the AAP deluge. Unlike Sakshi Maharaj, Giriraj Singh cried when told by his boss not to monopolize idiocy. Unlike Salman Khan, Putin cried when asked to put his shirt back on. Finally, unlike Sambit Patra, Ashutosh became an 'Ansootosh' when he correctly handled the transitions between 'farmer' and 'former' during the entire course of a recent television debate.

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